Why Don't They Trust Me?

I’ve worked with many different types of leaders. It's become clear to me that there’s a particular type of leader that people don’t trust and seems counterintuitive to most profiles of an untrustworthy leader.

If I ask someone to describe a leader that hadn’t earned their trust, more often than not, what I might hear are stories about bad tempers, arrogance, narcissism, inconsistencies in processes, or perhaps things like favoritism or gossip. While it’s true, these types of behaviors do impact a team's trust in their leader, there’s another trait that’s harder to put our finger on.

This trait revolves around a lack of original ideas or failing to share contrary opinions. I have noticed over the years that there are leaders who, for the most part, are pleasant, seem honest, work hard and yet don’t get the buy-in of their team. So, why aren’t they trusted?

People don’t trust a leader that they don’t really know. The lack of definition in someone's ideas, perspectives and opinions causes discomfort. They wonder; what does he really think? What does she really like? Are they just telling me what I want to hear? Well, sometimes they are! 

This lack of definition impacts how a team views their leader. The competency and honesty of the leader is in question. We’ve been taught not to trust strangers, and in a way, leaders who, for whatever reason, hold back their true opinions, feelings and perspectives remain elusive…like a stranger. We don’t know exactly what to expect from them and that uncertainty makes us feel uncomfortable. 

This kind of relational hiding negatively impacts our teams and cultures. People don’t bond with this type of leader and so trust isn’t developed. And trust, of course, is the fundamental building block of strong relationships and organizational loyalty. 

Sometimes a leader like this feels insecure about their opinions and doesn’t want to be wrong or look bad. Sometimes it’s because the leader is conflict avoidant and tries to keep everything peaceful by agreeing to whatever a person speaking is saying. There are a myriad of reasons, but the result is the same. When people feel that their leader isn’t in it with them, then they aren’t going to commit to following them. 

Even if team members don’t agree with you or like your opinions or ideas, they do like it when you share them. They will feel safe with you as a leader, when they feel like they know and understand you.